Woodham Mortimer First XI Batting and Bowling 2009

Week 18: Vs Terling at The Dismals, Terling   Woodham Mortimer won by 5 wickets

Team: Goodlad, Coulson, N Smith, Sawyer, Pinion, Wells, Barrett, Mitchell, Huett, Fannon, A Brown

Report

Another excellent win for Woodham was attained at the picturesque Dismals as an inspired bowling performance catapulted the Pheasants to a third straight victory over a Terling side that were pushing for promotion. Terling batted first and the drama began in the opening over as the Puppy unleashed a collection of no-balls and full tosses that were duly dispatched to the far reaches of the ground; 22 scored off the first over! Fortunately the innings did not continue in this manner and the projected innings total was reduced from the ridiculous 990 to something more realistic, as the Mill and Puppy pegged the openers back with more controlled bowling and the wicket of Twin for 11.

The turning point of the match occurred in the ninth over when a short ball from Wells left the Terling skipper blooded and Broomfield bound with a nasty cut above his eye. The Terling side, obviously affected by the loss of their skipper proceeded to lose wickets regularly and could only amass a total of 139, with Tommo the only batsman to contribute with a stoic 44. Mitchell was the star of the Woodham bowling attack finishing with 5-12 with his mysterious straight ball proving most effective against the home team's lower order. There were also wickets for Wells (2), Sawyer (1) and the skipper (2) - one courtesy of a sharp slip catch by the Pinkster.

The Woodham batting centred around an unbeaten half century from Goodlad that saw the side home. He was ably supported by the Puppy who made 21 and young Raspberry Barrett who continued his good form with an airy 24. Although a couple of wickets too many were lost the total was reached relatively comfortably and it was fitting that the skipper hit the winning runs. Another season in Division 5 is the reward for a strong end to the year and much will be expected, particularly of the young guns, as we embark upon yeat another TRippon adventure in 2010.

Week 17: Vs Gt Totham at Home Woodham Mortimer won by 3 wickets

Team: Goodlad, Coulson, Symonds, Sawyer, Pinion, Wells, Barrett, S Richardson, S Phillips, Fannon, Lester

Report

Woodham produced a fantastic chase to defeat Great Totham in an entertaining encounter. Totham batted first and amassed a daunting 261-2 in their 45 overs as the Pheasants toiled in the field. The only wicket to fall to a bowler went to Pippy Phillips who had Pearson snaffled by the chairman who was skulking around at short fine leg. The other wicket fell to a needless run out off the last ball of the innings; Keith 'Cloud' Lester swooping and delivering the ball to Wells who duly removed the bails.

The chase began in frantic fashion as the skipper and the Puppy smashed the ball to all parts. Puppy hammering 40 in quick time, whilst the skipp made 23 before mis-hooking a half-tracker. Simon 'Raspberry' Barrett took up the challenge and produced a silky half-century which included class shots all around the wicket. There was good support from Spuju (22) but after they both fell in quick succession it was left to the tail to finish the job. Fannon laced a quick 20 before falling to the dreaded straight one and, with Collis looking solid at the other end, Pinion entered the fray. The pair smote the bowling to the four corners of the Pheasantry with Pinion particularly hard on any width from the seamers and Collis hitting the ball powerfully down the ground. The game ended with Chris Colossos launching a final blow towards cow and the celebrations began complete with a couple of burgers and sausages courtesy of a Thorogood/Brown culinary masterclass. Pinion finished on 41* with The Woodham Giant unbeaten on 35.

Week 14: vs Bluehouse at Home

Team: Payne, A.Brown, Collis, Mitchell, N Smith, Sawyer, Wells, Barrett, N Richardson, S.Richardson, Huett

Report:

WMCC v BLUEHOUSE – 1 AUGUST

The Woodies crashed back into winning ways with a hefty 9 wicket win over lowly Bluehouse.

Inspired by the homespun philosophy of the Clough/Taylor partnership of Smith/Mitchell, the young pheasants, with only two players over forty, showed their verve in the field backing up some miserly bowling to restrict the visitors to 160 for five.

Both the Mill and Peggy bowled their full twelve over spells off the reel for less than two per over, chipping out four wickets in the process, as the home side exerted a rare control in the field. Good back up from the persevering Tom Payne, a focussed Dave Wells and a lively Chris Collis kept Bluehouse on the back foot. With everyone at the top of their game in the field, special mention must go to Stephen Richardson with two catches at gully and Andy Brown with gutsy fielding at very close cover.

After a tasty, and hasty, tea courtesy of AB, the stand in skipper backed youth as young Turks Brown and Wells opened up and quickly opened out. Wells survived a tricky boundary chance early on, but soon tucked in to the Bluehouse attack. With one eye on the miserable weather, the century stand came up at a cool six an over, before AB skied one to long off, bringing baggy blue-less Smith to the crease. The rain started again in earnest soon after, and with umpires Peggy and High Tower taking the players off, the Bluehouse players showed superb sportsmanship in calling the batsmen back to allow the Woodies to claim a deserved victory. Further lusty blows from Wells brought a superb maiden century for the club and soon after the nine wicket win in well under thirty overs.

An excellent win against the weather and a limited but enthusiastic team, who thoroughly deserved their ten sporting points. League leaders Willow Herbs come next, as the Woodies welcome back the tanned skipper, whilst searching for the two further wins to guarantee Division Five cricket next summer.

 

Pinky In Purple Patch But WMCC Still Have The Blues

It is with regret that our resident reporter writes about WMCC 1st XI for the last time. With his contract up for renewal at the end of the season, he has decided to move on a Bosman free transfer to Aston Villa News and Record. Here, he will be writing match day programme notes and anecdotes for the forthcoming season as Villa make their charge to become kings of Europe again (yes all you southerners AGAIN) for the first time since the infamous 1982 season.

On a glorious day, in this increasingly balmy British summer, Stock won the toss and elected to bat, a decision that pleased both skippers in truth. Stock started streakily with balls flying close to fielders and dropping out if the hands of the usually safe Fannon behind the stumps.

Wells finally made the break through with McAvoy caught at backward point by Andy Brown, who’s fielding was a lesson to most of the rest of the team. This brought Woolgar to the crease who batted with ease throughout. Waring somehow got to 64 before guiding Mitchell to Mason at gully and Morley and Cockley came and went quickly but Woolgar continued and proceeded onto 141 not out as wickets fell around him. This allowed Stock II to post 285-7. Mitchell and Wells both picked up 3 wickets and Skipp picked up the other, rather expensively though, caught by the Snoop Dogg at cow-shed corner!

Thanks must go to the Puss for providing a lovely tea with the doughnuts and the mini muffins the pick of the cake selection.

Fannon joined the Skipp to open the innings. The opening stand of 68 was a boundary fest with Fannon first to go for 36 (this was the first 50+ opening stand of the season for the 1s!) The chairman refused to run any of these runs clubbing 9 fours in his 36, a stat that pleased his Skipp who is prone to this sort of innings himself. In walked the glamorous quadragenarian, Pinky C, mouthing the words to his favourite Snoop Dogg and 50 Cent songs as he strutted towards the middle. Also after last week’s faux pas he had made a point of ensuring the soft top of his MG was in the correct place just in case. The Galacticos wondered was it that he did not want his front seat swimming pool to evaporate in the heat or that there was little chance of topping up the water levels with no rain bearing clouds in sight?

Pinky and Skipp put on 41 before a strange shot cost Goodlad his wicket for 45.

This included only 10 boundaries, a ratio of 4s to runs slightly poorer than Fannon’s. Andy Brown and Coulson continued the fine reply, often at 7 an over taking Woodham to 196-2 off 31 overs. Brown hit two large sixes and Pinky some gorgeous drives for 4. However, this was where the game turned as Brown was stumped for 31, Wells was bowled for 2 and then Pinky was caught on the cow-shed boundary for a glittering 77. The rest of the innings folded like a pack of cards, which included poor Tom Payne being run out by his runner without facing a ball. WMCC were finally bowled out for 240.

In truth this was the best batting performance by WMCC all year but poor fielding and lethargy in the field cost the team dearly. A relegation battle seems certain if efforts are not vastly improved.

As a final treat from our reporter before his departure to his beloved home land some links are attached for some good and addictive cricket stats quizzes from www.sporcle.com. Happy quizzing!

http://www.sporcle.com/games/cricket_triplecenturies.php

http://www.sporcle.com/games/wickettakers_test_cricket.php

http://www.sporcle.com/games/cricketdismissal.php

Skipp’s personal favourite: naming the countries of the world

http://www.sporcle.com/games/world.php (I challenge anyone to beat 190 out of 195)

Captain Pink In Soft Top Horror

Readers of the WMCC first XI page will be fully aware of Captain Pink (less frequently known as Martin Coulson or more lovingly as Pinky C or Box Office.) A dashing quadragenarian, an intelligent man, a deputy head at a local school, witty, laid back and obsessed with rugby despite coming off the pitch each time he plays without a speck of dirt on him. He is the man most likely to get your team relegated when leading but offers many perceptive points when not captain. Yes, you all know the man in question.

Now this man earns a fair whack from his deputy’s job but how many of you know that this man is so rich that he has a swimming pool in his car? A luxury only usually associated with Snoop Dogg and his bunch of pimping American rappers.

During the heavy rainfall delivered by the thunderstorm which led to 40 minutes of play being lost, Pinky could be seen lazing around the pavilion resting and feeling happy after his return to form (more of that later.) Had he forgotten something? He seemed to think he had not. However, we all knew differently. As most of the 1s and the opposition began to realise, Pinky had failed to put the soft top of his MG back into place. After a good 20 to 25 minutes of rain he final realised as the pavilion erupted into laughter. With sodden seats, a pool of rainwater in the foot well and a glistening dashboard Pinky readjusted his soft top into a more sensible position and returned to thoughts of his innings of 66. No doubt if the inundation is serious he will just buy another MG with the spare change in his back pocket, that is if the Chinese owners of Rover are still making them!

Anyway there was a rather one sided cricket match going on around this clownery. WMCC won the toss and decided to bat and despite the early loss of Fannon they proceeded stoically to 47-1. Skipp then holed out on the long-on boundary bringing Neil Smith to the middle. Coulson, looking far better than at anytime this season, soon reached his 50 and Smith followed suit to leave WMCC handily placed on 135-2 off 30 overs. However, the loss of Smith (51) and Coulson (66) in quick succession turned the tide as nature then began to wreak her fury on Tyndales Farm. It was a glum time in the pavilion, possibly for one person more than the others as the players waited for the precipitation to cease.

On the resumption WMCC had just 2.4 overs remaining and managed to add some quick runs via the willows of Collis and the glamorous Pussy Galore to finish off on 176-5.

Skipp provided the tea, which was laden with cold meats pilfered from the delicatessen of a well known supermarket. Doughnuts were in abundance too and just scraps were remaining at the end.

What occurred next was nothing short of shambolic. Despite opener Adam Twinn having only one shot, and that a shot that Mr Boycott would be disgusted with, WMCC continued to bowl to it and he duly dined on the second buffet offered within half an hour. Pippy did take three wickets but Terling got their total of 177 easier than a man gets a rendezvous with Paris Hilton. With one win separating 3rd and 9th in division 5, many more abject performances like this and the dreaded vote of confidence with be offered from the club’s management. As the vultures loomed above Skipp’s head at the end of the match, the aforementioned forty-something slipped away early to dry off his beloved vehicle.

Woodham Mortimer CC league teams produce a win double.

Our first team travelled the short distance to Great Totham in T Rippon league division five. Woodham restricted Gt Totham to 216 for 9 in 45 overs. Payne 3, Wells 2, Coulson 1, Goodlad 1 were the wicket takers. Woodham replied with 217 for 7. Matt Goodlad was again on form with 82. This plus good knocks from David Wells 32 and Chris Collis 38 not out meant Woodham won by 3 wickets.

 

The second team entertained Rayleigh in a top of the table clash. The Woodham openers Ball 51 and Brown 62 put on 136 for the first wicket. Woodham ending on 216 for 7 from 45 overs. In reply Rayleigh found scoring difficult against accurate bowling. Rayleigh were all out for 154 in the 41st over. The Woodham wicket takers were Rob Jones 4, Steve Collis 3, Dave Goodchild 2, Connor Hayman 1. Woodham win by 62 runs and are now top of division ten.

Spin Twins Bowl WMCC To Victory

The Galacticos returned to home territory badly in need of a victory which had so far eluded them at Pheasant Park.

Spudley returned to the team and arrived in jacket and shirt directly from Cardiff after what appeared to be a heavy night (was Mrs Spudley aware of his antics?) Also returning was star keeper Simon Pinion still searching for his first catch behind the stumps and Chris Collis. The skipper won the toss and duly inserted the opposition on a rather hot day despite the protestations of his lead seamer Dave Wells who was the worse for wear following a heavy night on the tiles.

Things did not start well for WMCC as wickets were hard to come by and Ingatestone got off to a good start. The first wicket came on 62 after the introduction of Chris Collis who delivered a short, very wide and high long hop, which the batsman proceeded to fly swat to mid off where the Danbury beauty was poised. Spudley leapt into the air and plucked a beauty with his right hand. A stunned silence covered Pheasant Park. Had everyone really just witnessed this feat of magical athleticism from the cuddly beast? Kirby and Bates continued to add runs and despite the loss of Kirby for 50, Ingatestone reached 168 for 2 off 25 overs. However, this was the point at which the game turned. Mitchell removed Bates for 48 and then captain Myers for 38. Pippy Phillips was then introduced and he and Mitchell turned the innings on its head. Both Phillips and Mitchell picked up 4 wickets each, with Pippy returning figure of 9 overs, 2 maidens 4 for 28. The catching was clean especially from Mason and behind the stumps meaning Woodham were chasing 220, possibly 100 fewer than was originally expected. The other point of note was an injury to Neil Smith who injured his fetlock whilst jogging for the ball (plenty of witnesses say it was definitely jogging this time!) The injury reduced WMCC to 10 players but this did seem to coincide with the resurgence in performance from WMCC, with everyone extra focused in the field.

Thanks go to secretary Keith Mitchell for the banquet provided at team which was wolfed down by all.

WMCC openers Spudley and Skipp waddled out to the middle with Skipp starting well smoking a square cut to the boundary first over. However, the sultry Richardson was soon caught at the wicket chasing a wide one that he probably should have left alone. This bought Pinky Coulson to the crease and he struggled but hung around with the Skipp putting on 47 for the 2nd wicket before falling LBW to spinner Elliot.

In came the explosive Dave Wells to the crease, who cheered on by his family and glamorous lady friend proceeded to butcher the opposition attack. He put on 59 with the skipper clubbing 42 in rapid fashion with 5 fours and 2 sixes before being bowled by Tredego (who promptly left the ground, his job obviously done.)

In came Pussy Galore but his rough trot continued with a duck when he was bowled by leg-spinner Elliot. This allowed ‘hop-along Smith’ to the crease with Pinky Coulson as his runner. A calamitous run out was so inevitable that William Hill stop taking bets on the outcome.

However, Goodlad picked up where Wells had left off clubbing the ball out of the ground on many occasions with the opposition skipper often bringing the field in, much to Skipp’s disgust and Chris Baker’s surprise. Skipp reached his second century of the year and ended on 127 not out including 8 sixes and 12 fours (why bother running?) He was ably supported by Smith who quickly moved onto 27 not out in an unbeaten stand of 81 for the 5th wicket.

However, Wells and Goodlad’s onslaught did not go unnoticed. It was deemed so savage that local arborealists and tree-huggers are hunting for their two blades after the damage caused to the local flora in Woodham’s enchanted wood. Indeed, the batsmen are so scared of having their bats impounded that they have gone into hiding.

Despite all of the carnage and big-hitting the ball kept coming back for more until it decided to hide up a tree! Thanks to Spuju the ball was retrieved only to be returned to the woods a couple of balls later!

Special thanks must go to standing umpire Geoff Reddin for his time and if we bat like this under his watchful eye he will be asked to officiate every

Poor Batting Costs Woodham Dearly

In a week that saw Gareth Barry turn from legend to traitorous, money grabbing, spineless scumbag (stale my arse – you should taste one of the Skippers teas!) and Spudley refuse to attend the scene of his pate heist, the Galacticos finally arrived in Blackmore following most of them getting lost (never let a PE teacher be in charge of an A to Z of Essex.)

The team again went through the revolving door syndrome with four unavailable due to weddings, injury and fear of arrest by the pate police but Pippy, Pinky and Puss all returned. The team also had a couple of injuries with Barnard shouldering a back injury and Nelly struggling with a sore hip, which he received whilst jogging (at least that is what I think he said.)

Woodham faced a daunting task with the Herbs 5 – 0 for the season (PS. Willow Herbs if you are reading I am going to have to charge each of your readers £3 to put towards our costs of finding a decent batting guru to coach our dysfunctional top order – your top order can borrow him too if you like!) The skipper duly lost his 4th toss of the season (never trust a Welsh PE teacher who says ‘tails for Wales never fails.’)

WMCC started steadily but a rush of blood to the head saw Skipp throw his wicket away as he charged the seam bowling of Thompson. With the turning circle of a super tanker, the Skipp was left marooned just short of the crease as the keeper threw down the stumps.

In strode Pinky C, who settled well, to join Lester who soon took a nasty blow just above his right eye that saw him take a time out. Nelly joined Pinky until the former WMCC skipper was run out by a direct hit from Grainger. Wells clubbed some boundaries and Nelly (45) held on well but wickets fell regularly mostly to Harris who returned figures of 4-21. WMCC were finally bowled out for a pitiful 127 with the usually reliable Eddie only scoring 2. Well done to the Herbs for a quality display of bowling and fielding.

Tea saw the signing of the second Treaty of Versailles as DG (fair play to you) and Skipp let bygones be bygones and a large amount of pate proving that Blackmore has recovered from Spudley’s heinous crime.

Woodham trudged back onto the field expecting the formalities to be concluded quickly. Wells bowled a tight first over but with the prospect of Skipp (who had taken just one wicket all year) opening from the other end WMCC’s prospects looked bleaker than an Emo’s view on life. However, first ball Jones snicked to keeper Andy Smith who held a stormer and next over Grainger was bowled by Skipp’s off-cutter leaving Herbs at 9 – 2. Wells continued to bowl tightly whilst wicket number 3 came as Harris snicked to the keeper off the rampaging Brummy juggernaut. Wells then had Phillips pouched at slip and both he and Skipp took wickets in their next overs to leave the Herbs at 19 – 6.

However, that brought Fryer to the crease who proceeded to change the game with his big hitting. He reached 87 not out, sometimes streakily, single-handedly taking his team to victory in a match that was won and lost and then won again.

The game was hard fought and was played in a very good spirit. Good luck to the Herbs for the rest of the season (apart from game 15 obviously) as they bid for promotion and finally sever their links with their stalkers WMCC.

WONDERFUL WOODHAM RETURN TO WINNING WAYS

WMCC returned to winning ways with a wonderful performance at Shole Park against Bluehouse. WMCC were without the injured Pinion and the absent Coulson, Phillips and Mason but had the returning Neil Smith and Chris Baker who was hoping to follow up his follow through last weekend with a win with WMCC this weekend. Andy Smith was also promoted from the 2’s in the absence of Mr Pinion for his first pro appearance of the year.

A win was vitally needed after an embarrassingly poor result against Hullbridge the week before, where WMCC had capitulated with the bat again.

Skipp won the toss for the first time since week 1 on a beautiful sunny day but on a track that looked like it would offer variable bounce. He elected to bat fearing a mutiny if he decided otherwise.

In walked the stunning beautiful Spudley Richardson and Skipp reminiscing about the battering they had given Bluehouse in 2004 where the Villa boys knocked of 118 without loss and without changing ends for 20 overs.

Unfortunately the Danbury beauty was not to stay long edging to the keeper for 1. Spudley was not certain of the knick but trigger finger Baker was and duly sent him scurrying back to the pavilion. Lester and Goodlad then set about repairing the damage often slowly but, with some heavy blows from time to time.

The pair put on 134 for the second wicket until Skipp holed out on the square leg boundary for 74. Wells came and went quickly and Lester soon fell for 53 leaving WMCC 160-4 but N. Smith 31no and the Mill 34no saw WMCC through to 232-4 off their 45 overs.

Most bowlers suffered in the heat. It seemed to get to Miller the most. After being removed from the attack he promptly assaulted his cap repeatedly, throwing it to the ground despite the cap pleading for mercy. The police have been informed of this violence but since they failed to find the pate thief from Willow Herbs last year the cap is unlikely to receive justice following this unprovoked rampage.

WMCC returned to the field with Spudley unhappy with the lack of pate at tea (is this the real cause of his lack of availability next week?) As usual the Mill and Wellsy took early wickets with Mill coming back well after a battering he took in his 3rd over from Herridge. Mill had the last laugh though, cleaning up the opener for 35. Wickets fell rapidly and regularly mostly bowled with all bowlers picking up wickets and no batsmen really getting set or scoring big runs. The wicket accounted for a few dismissals with the ball keeping low on a number of occasions. Peggy returned the best figures of 3-16, Wells 3-37, Mill 2-62 and Chris Collis 2-15 as only 32.4 overs were required to bowl out the opposition.

A wonderful performance by the bowlers backed up in the field with catches pouched at slip again and a first dismissal in the 1s for Andy Smith who kept well.

Next week we visit our old chums Willow Herbs who have started the season in awesome fashion. Anyone for some gobbling??

 A final note for the departing David Sawyer, who is getting married in June. We all wish him the very best and are sure he, Ria and their families will have a wonderful day and future. Mr and Mrs Sawyer, if you prefer to watch WMCC instead of attending the wedding I am sure the groom will understand! Skipp.

Sleeveless Sweaters: Secret To Success?

The Galacticos arrived at the scene of ‘Wells-Gate’ on the back of two resounding defeats where the troops were well out of the game by half time. Crowd favourite and local beauty Spudley Richardson was dropped for disciplinary reasons following the deliberate surrender of his wicket in order to inspect last weeks’ tea. Into the team came Woodham stalwart Damo Fannon to open the innings and no doubt be the third opening batting partner to outscore the frankly useless and out of touch skipper.

Things started badly as Pinky’s removed his kit from his bag with more grass on it than on the wicket. Had the impending Ofsted inspection been weighing heavily upon his mind? The chairman and his skipper looked on in disdain.

WMCC were inserted by the Rayleigh skipper on a track which was two paced, untrustworthy on the bounce and frankly a bloody nightmare to bat on when facing the new cherry. Fannon got off to a good start playing his stock shot over the slips with aplomb. The skipper continued to struggle missing many a full toss however, with his trusty sleeveless sweater on for the first time he did keep out the straight ones.

Fannon had a second life when Stevens put a chance down that Fannon had fended off his nose. The catch was so easy even Pinky started offering the hapless lad catching advice. Unfortunately Fannon soon departed caught for 22 putting on 46 for the 1st wicket.

In walked Pinky (also wearing his sleeveless sweater for the first time this season) to join the skipper and after adjusting to the track he soon got his eye in. He too was dropped by Stevens allowing WMCC to progress well with Pinky and Skipp putting on 78 until Coulson ugly hoik across the line cost him his wicket.

In came Neil Smith who before facing a ball asked for a top up from his mysterious and magical bottle (indeed the Skipp also managed to get a sip of Nelly’s bottled potion but in fear of his life has refused to reveal the secret ingredients.)

Smith (37) and Skipp put on 81 for the third wicket which included far too many 1s, 2s and 3s for Goodlad’s liking. The Skipp then miss timed a cut to cover and with bat under his arm and on his way back to the pavilion (yes you guessed it) Stevens shelled the catch. Goodlad then started to bully the children bowling at him and find the cow-shed boundary off spinner Stirk reaching his 8th WMCC hundred (ending unbeaten on 120.) Three quick wickets fell as the slog was on with WMCC closing on 259-5, easily their best performance of the season. Even Eddie was back on form contributing 40 to the total.

WMCC marched back onto the field knowing the new ball would offer a great deal of help and indeed that was how it proved. Wells and Sawyer ripped out 6 quick and cheap early wickets leaving Rayleigh 52-6 (Wells 2-37, Mill 4-31.) One of the Mill’s wickets was superbly taken at cover by Smith with a diving one handed catch (at which point Nelly promptly requested his drinks bottle.) Indeed during this blistering spell from Woodham’s Braintree and Chelmsford Expresses, a test match field was often used including a short leg with Fannon dressing up like RoboCop to field there (a good job he did as he was soon cracked on the shin after a long hop from Pippy was battered towards the marooned short leg!)

With the clouds looking threatening WMCC got some cheap quick overs bowled allowing Sanderson (70) and Druce (45) to add some respectability to the score for Rayleigh. That was until the Puss was introduced to the attack. With Puss putting the ball in the slot he picked up 3 quick wickets to gain WMCC extra bowling points finishing with 3-21. One of these wickets showed the laziness that WMCC adopted in the field as the game petered out as Pinion kicked the ball onto the stumps for a stumping rather than taking it cleanly and whipping off the bails (the dubious dismissals panel are also looking into this wicket and apparently have adjudged it a run out.)

Next week sees the return of Spudley having served his one match suspension. His conduct with be sternly assessed by all with reports he was seen leaving William Hill bookmakers having placed a bet on himself to be out the ball after tea is laid on the table.

Woeful Woodham Beaten Again

The Woodham Galacticos arrived at Tyndales looking to get their season started following their opening day drubbing at Stock the previous week.

Woodham were in good spirits with the return of the gorgeous, dashing and all round good egg Spudley Richardson. This pleased former Captain Pink the most as he was a little upset at being the butt(er) of the jokes in the report from the Stock game posted by our resident journalist.

Woodham lost the toss and were inserted on a track which offered the bowlers hope with some variable and often exaggerated bounce. Woodham started fairly well with Richardson finding the boundary with ease. However this was not to last and Goodlad was removed by an inswinging yorker from Phillip. Pinky Coulson came in and went out with amazing speed, followed by Neil Smith who arrived and left sharply too, both undone first ball by inswinging yorkers from Phillip who duly completed his hat-trick. This left WMCC at 19-3 and struggling. In came Dave Wells who put on a stand of 49 with Richardson to repair some of the damage at 68-3. However, with the tea being prepared in the kitchen, Spudley could be seen looking at the food preparation nervously. The thought bubbles of ‘mmmm I wonder if there is any paté today’ could be seen rising from his head. Unfortunately this seemed to break Spudley’s concentration as he subsequently lofted a long hop to square leg for 34 when going well. With the batsman having crossed Wells was left on strike and was promptly bowled next ball leaving WMCC at 68-5. Wells was so impressed by this straight delivery he promptly shook the hand of the bowler. Aah lovely to see that sort of pleasantries!!!

This allowed the Glamorous Puss and Chris Collis to the crease and they again set about repairing the damage. This was helped by the bowlers putting the balls in Puss’s slot, allowing him to cut backward of square. Collis hit some lusty blows too and the pair put on 54 for the 6th wicket (Glam 26 and Collis 40) until another 3 quick wickets fell leaving WMCC on 138-8. WMCC’s innings finally closed on 156 all out when Dave Sawyer was trapped LBW first the second week running (a new record for the T-Rippon League we are led to believe.)

The WMCC response needed to be good and it was with Dave Sawyer removing two of the top order leaving Springfield at 9-2. Another chance came Woodham’s way off Dave Wells as Richardson prodded to gulley, unfortunately the Puss’s grip was weak and the ball popped out. However, this soon did become 34-3 as Sawyer struck again with skipper Kennedy pouched at slip by the skipper out of gloom of the Woodham wood milliseconds before the ball was due to shatter the skippers teeth..

However Richardson, Cook and Coplen all contributed well and Springfield eventually coasted to victory by 5 wickets with Sawyer finishing with 3-47 and Simon Pinion picking up a smart stumping (which the dubious dismissals panel are looking at with the likelihood of judging it a run-out.) WMCC only picking up 3pts.

Much was discussed late into the evening in the pavilion with a certain amount of Caribbean Kick added to Richardson’s evening (but which Richardson?) The former Captain Pink’s day did improve with his eyes lighting up at the arrival of a glamorous mystery guest (even more glamorous than our Puss!) Former Captain Pink could hardly hide his delight.

REPORT FOR 02-05 V STOCK II

STOP PRESS: CAPTAIN PINK HOLDS TWO CATCHES!

On a glorious afternoon the Woodham Galacticos arrived in Stock full of confidence following their impressive return to form the previous season, their intense period of training leading upto the season and the return of opening bowler Dave Wells.

All things seemed rosy as WMCC won the toss and duly inserted Stock on a ground that seemed smaller than my back garden.

WMCC started fairly well but soon enough the Stock batsmen starting eyeing up the short boundary and the bowlers were dispatched for a series of boundaries with the run rate at 9 an over.

First change Dave Goodchild entered the fray and restored some control and made the breakthrough by removing Hiskett with the catch comfortably taken by former Captain Pink. This catch visibly gave the usually butter-fingered Pinky huge confidence but this confidence seemed to get the better of him when he tried to catch the next opportunity with his Adams Apple. Following this Pinky’s mobile phone was heard ringing several times with rumours claiming that Lurpak and Anchor were trying to renew their endorsements and sign him up for future television adverts. I Cant Believe Its Not Butter managed to leave a voicemail message but retracted their contract offer when they heard he had not spilled the first chance.

The Stock batsmen continued to plunder the WMCC attack but a late flurry of wickets including a second Pinky catch allowed Woodham to accrue 3 bowling points as the Stock innings closed on a mammoth 355-6 with opener Cottee scoring 184!

Woodham started their reply well with 30 off the first 5 overs with boundaries flowing from whippet like open pair of Goodlad and Lester but five quick wickets left Woodham at 42-5 with the match over as a contest (if it had ever really being one.) Neil Smith and Glamour Mason dug in sharing a stand of 61 until Smith was caught on the boundary for 34. Mason continued until he was caught 4 short of a deserved 50. Great to see Glamour back in the runs! Dave Sawyer, Damo Fannon, Keith Mitchell and Dave Goodchild all added useful late runs allowing Woodham to take another two batting points despite a heavy drubbing with the innings closing on 185-9.

Next week Springfield III are the visitors with WMCC needing to bounce back quickly.